I just read an incredible post on the Huff by a fellow journey-woman, MeiMei Fox, who described our recent adventures at Summit at Sea in a way that I could entirely relate. She was writing my story: replace father’s incarceration with sister’s death, and maybe we have slightly parallel lives.

It made me realize something. I’ve been open in my writings, yes, but not entirely forthright, not fully present. Because I am not only a soul searching entrepreneurial meditating coach — I am also an explosive lover of life who can have fun like she’s 21 (I’m actually more fun and some might think more crazy now than at 21), and I have done some really audacious things to enjoy my experience. MeiMei verbalized for me what I’ve been hypothesizing ever since my feet touched the sands of the playa at Burning Man. Spirituality can be Hot. It can be full of flavor, wildness, and FUN. In fact, that’s living without holding back…which is the entire reason I dive into spirit.

Being good, sweet, and socially respectable are things I’ve been working at getting rid of, actually. Pleasing others, being ‘ideal’, attractive, wanted, fitting in, being approved of, praised…they are all getting dumped. Fear of judgment, fear of not being lovable. Screw that. Trying to be anything for others has been the exact path to my misery. One bad habit at a time, I’m working hard at learning to be my bad, wild self. Wild as in untamed, unschooled, imperfect, and uncultivated by anything but the truths that come pouring out of my heart and soul.

I’ve learned something rather counter-intuitive. When I trust myself enough to just be, my life becomes everything I ever dreamed of. In this space, I have the ability to love with deep generosity. I don’t lack. I feel full and rich. I have incredible energy and stamina. Life becomes light and ridiculously fun, as soon as I let go of all the constraints I shackle myself with. And for me, it especially means letting go of my rules of being good. At our core, we are already pure goodness and love, but our minds can make warped definitions of how that is supposed to show up. If you can tap into that pure, deep well of desire that is full of who you really are, you can trust that it’s connected to the higher good of you and the collective. You’ll recognize what true desire is, because it will taste like freedom.

Being fun, being playful and unrestrained, being real, it’s weirdly not so easy. At least not for those of us who have lost faith in ourselves somewhere along the way…usually so early on that it’s hard to remember how or why. But don’t give up the good fight to be bad, to be wild and fearless in your personal rendition of truth. You’re so damn worth it.

(The photo above: that’s me headed out to help coaches Koelle Simpson and Diane Hunter shift lives at their leadership equus coaching workshop. I arrived to play with horses and some brilliant executives in a loud gold convertible, because Dollar rental pimped my ride. I think I’m finally figuring it out…)