Start by listing a couple of things you deeply yearn for. Then start letting yourself have it in your imagination. Commit to daydreaming everyday for seven days.

It’s funny. Initially, you think, well since I’m just imagining, it’s easy. I can make up whatever I want. But really see what you can pull up in your mind’s eye. Can you fully let yourself have what you want? Do you feel safe enough, even with yourself, to admit your heart’s desires? How crystal clear is your envisioning?

I found that I was definitely holding back. Only giving myself tiny little snippets in the beginning. I was a shy director, embarrassed even! I have been practicing every day, deeply, for weeks now. And finally, the visions are getting more rich, more fun and playful, bolder.

In the practice of making dream movies in your mind, you are learning how to open up to what your heart desires. You might run into limits initially, where you try to dream up something and an inner critic starts to throw tomatoes on your screen, or tell you that you are being silly and can’t have what you want. Learn to observe this critic, love him and make him feel safe, and then tell him to shut the f*** up. Quiet on the set.

Learn to envision with all of your senses: see, hear, taste, feel, smell it. Really, truly let yourself have it. Heart desires want to be known like this. And let loose. Tell the judge to go away and just play. It doesn’t matter if it feels frivolous, play IS supposed to be carefree. Once you unleash yourself, once you stop holding back, your heart’s desires will show you how much fuel they have. They will pull at your imagination, pluck you into a daydream in the midst of your days.

The stories tell us to dream…so start practicing.

“What if money was no object?”

This is a great short lecture from the late Alan Watts, full of wise counsel:

“When a soul wishes to experience something, she throws an image of the experience out before her and enters into her own image.” – Meister Ekhart

I just read a fabulous article on Lady Gaga in Vogue’s September issue. Fabulous not only because Lady Gaga is Fabulous, but because the writer, Jonathan Van Meter, was able to see how her creative power and self belief are intertwined. Here’s a fun little excerpt about how Gaga’s friend sees her:

“I want you to imagine every creative idea you’ve ever had in your brain. Then I would like you to imagine that those ideas never stop—they come all the time. And then I would like you to imagine that you create ever single one of them. That’s how I would describe her. It’s like there’s no little star that doesn’t get through her galaxy. She catches every single one and puts it in the sky, and she makes it the most important star that ever existed.”

I love this article. Gaga is the epitome of doing what you yearn to do, what you dream of. Not living from egoic fears, but expressing what your heart deeply desires. Lady Gaga is instinctively able to do what Meister Eckhart, a German mystic and philosopher, intuited from the 13th century.

Here’s the thing I’ve realized: you don’t do things of the heart for the result. You don’t do things to get something. You do them because you must. You do them so you can express yourself, because you come to know, love, and trust who you are. It’s more like a release. Once you begin to do what you yearn to do, you feel light, playful, joyful, fulfilled. You become finally free to be yourself. You do stuff just because you want to. And that is the greatest way to put you on the path to your hearts desires.

Gaga is awesome at soul expression. She embraces her own internal spark and tosses it out to the world. And the world responds. In a big way.

If you can practice being free like a child that plays, you’ll find yourself being carried by the currents of your true purpose.

First, Free Your Mind

Playful self expression, as an adult, can take some work. You must learn to not give a damn. Of what others think. And most of all, of what your internal, judgmental mental stories and inner critic think. You need to do the work to dissolve what holds you back.

Most adults walk the world dragging the heavy weight of other people’s judgments and desires. We are yolked and weighed down, so often in our unconscious depths. We live in a way that just feels uncomfortable enough, while the unhealthy ego is in a false-comfort in fitting into and being approved of by the herd. The discomfort can be a low-grade malaise, like that of a caterpillar who feels a tug at the idea that he might fly but scared to death that he’ll fall off the branch. Or, it can come in as a crushing squeeze, where you feel trapped and pulled-down by your situation. Check in with your body, not your head, to feel these feelings.

Doubt, judgment, criticism, fear or anxiety. Generally, these are the emotions that are connected to beliefs that hold us back. Check into what you’re thinking if these are the emotions that come up if you try to do something that feels like it could be a sweet idea. I like using the term sweet, because our soul’s desires feel sweet inside, they feel open and free. But it can be hard to access sweetness if you’re used to pleasing the world.

Now Study Your Intention

Look at what you want. Here’s the sticky – you have to find out how attached you are to it. Meaning, is there any part of you that feels like you are afraid you can’t have it. That’s attachment – the fear that something can’t or won’t happen. This means you go back to stalking the emotions mentioned above, and practice inquiry to see what is really true for you.

There’s a fluidity and power to intention, or true soul desire: the power of your intention is directly correlated to the degree in which you accept, love, and honor yourself. Basically, if your sense of self is strong, then what you want, what you intend, has a much stronger chance of expressing in the world.

Imagining

Meister Eckhart’s quote is one of my favorites, “When a soul wishes to experience something, she throws an image of the experience out before her and enters into her own image.”  

When the soul is honored, it’s completely empowered. It will speak to you through clear channels that no longer are muddled or clogged with false beliefs and judgments. You feel the calls as pure desire. And desire feeds dreams. It feeds your imagination. You let yourself play in ideation, in dream worlds, with total abandon, to add dimension and texture to your yearnings. Just like Gaga. Jobs. Disney. Einstein. See, feel, smell, know, love what you desire.

This is where the soul has power that is invisible, but can be felt. It has a visceral effect. Van Meter writes about Lady Gaga’s “orbit,” the bubble of energy that affects everyone who works with her. Gaga’s imagining skills are so strong that people can’t help but want to bring her visions to life.

“To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.” – Anatole France

Trust

Most of all, you must learn to trust yourself, your soul. When it comes to your relationship with you + You, trust is earned, and takes practice. It’s not too complicated, but it can take time and a dose of courage. You have to be willing to take some leaps, across chasms of doubt and fear, to come to understand that you always land when you trust that it is your soul that is guiding you.

Forming

Read Martha Beck’s new book, Finding Your Way In a Wild New World, for insights on what she calls Forming, the very last step in the doing of things. This is where you learn to do like a child again, where everything is experimental and for the fun of it. Where there is no failure, only feedback. And you use the fires of desire and intention to fuel your doing.

This is what the soul really yearns for. It yearns to experience. It yearns to play. To dance. To flow.

The Outcome…

Well, an outcome is always so much better if you just let it be like Christmas. Let yourself be delighted and surprised by where your soul’s desires take you. What’s life without a massive dose of adventure and mystery?!

Thanks for reading this long one – I was crazy inspired by Lady Gaga! I’d love to hear about how you’re experimenting with your own soulful intentions.

I went through a process where I let myself meltdown. There is a choice in this. You can resist pain, or you can lean in. I surrendered, let go, grieved, and walked around in plenty of confusion. Strange enough, in my dark night, I sensed there was intention. A good, bright intention that went beyond my present ability to understand with logic.

Great fires roar through our lives to prepare ground for tremendous new growth. It’s the way of Nature. If you find yourself in the midst of this, trust it. That sounds insane, doesn’t it? The last thing your controlling mind, which yearns for safety, security, and assurance, the last thing it wants is to trust chaos. But if you only breathe and lean in. Taking life in micro-minutes. Go within. You will start to feel the flow, a current.

Surfers know about this. They understand the tides, the cycles. They develop instinct and patience, to know when to grab the next ride. The rhythms and cycles of life are the same. Don’t panic. Just drop inward, find peace where you can, and face what hurts and what confuses you. Do your work, and you’ll come to understand that behind the night is dawn.

What’s happened in the last 5 years? Well, I barely recognize the person I had been. I’ve done plenty of hard personal work, but even more than that, I have been utterly graced with tremendous support from the universe. Individuals that shine with massive bright lights have shown up to guide me, incredible opportunities, dear friends to support and warm my life, and sweet love to make life more delicious. There have been plenty more ups and downs, but those are just waves, waves to ride. When you trust the forces around you, then they can support you.

Do your practice. There’s only one real work, and that is to understand the tides of your own life, to trust the currents, to feel into where this ocean wants to take you. When you trust the pull, no matter if it takes you beyond the confines of what your mind wants, you will come to love and trust that its always life and the world loving you. In every moment.

Amongst my clients and many of us, there are three things we assume we should know how to do, yet they can be incredibly hard: resting, playing, and being kind to oneself. Coaches, especially those trained by Dr. Martha Beck, will always be telling you to rest and play. But what if you don’t know how?

People are so embarrassed, appalled, or confounded by not knowing how to do these things that they hold back from ever learning. We say to ourselves, “That’s ridiculous. What’s wrong with me? I don’t know how to play! But that’s so dumb, how could I possibly ask anyone?”

Well, I find it to be a silent epidemic. It’s hard to know how to play, how to rest, and how to be kind to yourself when you don’t have much practice at any of them. They are not activities that are well supported within our culture — such things are mostly relegated to the childhood years. But to be a healthy, happy, and high performing adult, you must learn how to master rest and play, which ultimately require that you practice deep kindness, generosity, and compassion for yourself.

So here’s the thing — learning how to do anything is awkward as hell in the beginning. That includes playing and resting. You will feel clumsy and silly, all thumbs. Secret #1: the less you judge yourself, the easier and faster you will learn. It’s okay to not know how…to do anything. Practice being kind to yourself by letting go of the inner critic that thinks you’re an idiot for not knowing how to play. There — two birds, one stone!

Now, here’s a crash course on kick-starting play and rest:

Learning How to Play
Start by considering what feels fun. That might even be hard if you don’t give yourself much permission to play. Pick something that feels truly fun to you, not what’s supposed to be fun.

Try to remember the childhood sensation of freedom, curiosity, wide-eyed joy that playfulness can evoke. Pick something playful that might give you a taste of this. Make it something small. Don’t start with skydiving. Too big of a step and you’ll freak yourself out. Little fun things that might take just five minutes, half an hour – this way, you’ll learn to subvert the inner taskmaster who tells you to be more serious.

Schedule it in if you must. And then when you start, allow yourself to do it with wild abandon. And yes, if you don’t do play, this is the one where you will feel the most ridiculous at first. Let yourself be present to the experience, setting other concerns aside. When the fun is done, you’ll have plenty of time to get back to your serious life.

Small moments of play add enormous fresh energy to your day and to your mind. Over time, you’ll learn to convert more and more things into play, but begin with small steps.

Resting
This one was a hard one for me and continues to be a practice. One of my earliest memories was avoiding naptime in pre-school. We know where a napless road leads young ones – towards crabby, frustrated, teary-eyed monsters. Adults without enough rest are even worse. It’s just that we’ve learned to deal with it in our spectacular, numbed-out, caffeinated ways.

Naps are major. In some schools of thought, it matters less that you get 7 to 8 straight hours of sleep (or whatever your body requires to feel good), but that you rest throughout the day. Hitting a REM state resets the brain. Just don’t nap for more than 90 minutes, or your brain will enter the delta phase, or deep rest…and you will wake up feeling groggy and uncomfortable. I wake up very crabby in this phase! If you’re not used to napping, then try to find time to lay somewhere quiet, eyes closed, even if it’s just for 5 or 10 minutes.

Rest isn’t just about getting enough sleep, though naps are amazing for your creativity, productivity, and overall well-being. Rest also applies to resting the mind. Especially during periods of intense focus or stress, you must rest your mind. Take a mental break every couple of hours to do nothing, to listen to a song, step outside for some fresh air. Try not to break with Facebook or TV…that’s just more white noise and can be more about numbing than true resting.

Let your body rest from the tensions of sitting in an office, a stifling meeting room. It’s only by cultural conditioning that our bodies are able to stay confined and still for so long. Your true nature wants to move. So get up, walk around, move your laptop to different spots, stretch, and get out of the building, often. Moving your body will move your mental brilliance.

Again, practice in short increments as to not overwhelm yourself! These practices are deeply interrelated. Learn to rest and you will play better. Play more and your body rests better. Give this a shot for a week and notice the shifts in your well-being.

You come across some stunning personal truth, a realization that is enormous, like a powerful dream you know you cannot forget. But the alarm goes off and you dash out the door. And then, life continues, and you slide back to your old ways. It’s painful when you fall off the wagon, knocked off the great viewing station.

It’s okay. Your great truths require deep practice. When an awareness first arrives, it is like an early springtime, with risks of frost and storms. Losing your state of grace will and does happen.

Here’s the good news. You will never forget. You won’t forget the moment of flow, of clarity, of truth, of true love, or personal expansiveness. Once you taste the freedom of something that is true for you, your cells make a permanent imprint. Your internal compass registers it in its database. And you will recognize it again and again, each time you come upon it. What’s required is deep practice, until your mind becomes strong enough to hold the new reality.

Practice with patience and curiosity. Relinquish the self critic, and the desire to despair. And take breaks. Go rest. Go play and be ridiculous. Then try again. It will find you. It’s said that your power, your dreams, your truths hunt you. Not the other way around.

[photo credit: Kelly Finnamore]

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

I have been relearning the definition of “boundaries.” It’s one of those funny words that has a collection of socialized confusion around it. Most people don’t like the word. I didn’t. To me, it meant restriction, wrong-doing, aggression, conflict. Think of dividers like the Berlin Wall, the Great Wall of China, and barbed wire fences. We humans tend towards aggression when it’s time to set our boundaries. The word itself has a definition that is a little more neutral: “A line that marks the limits of an area.”

Now though, my boundaries are more like those solid yet gentle old English stone walls. You can be invited to easily cross over them, but they firmly mark my space. My boundaries are no longer permanent but movable and experimental. And I’m constantly experimenting with these stones, moving them closer in and farther out as needed. But this stone wall metaphor reminds me to create boundaries with calmness yet firmness.

Boundaries now are about personal respect, clear communication, and freedom. When I create comfortable boundaries for myself, I have the space to freely move, act, be. The right personal boundary is actually a part of clear communication and personal expression, because it gives me breathing room to know what I feel and want. 

Whether it’s your colleague, friend, or spouse, it’s easy to see how not enough or too much boundary setting can mess with your relationship and communication. From our need to people please or be overly self protective and aggressive, we are always setting some kind of boundary. You can measure the effectiveness of your boundary by the flow of communication and collaboration — is it smooth and clear, or full of friction or confusion?

The most interesting boundary setting I’ve had to do though is from within — setting boundaries with my mind. My limiting beliefs and thoughts. The inner critic, the silent judge, the fearful victim, the untrue stories. In an incredibly stealth and shadowy manner, they encroach upon my ability to be free. These days, I stalk my thoughts and hunt for predators in my head, less so in my world. Those around me are much easier and kinder than those I’ve found within me — that is, until I set up some strong boundaries that create more internal peace and freedom.

Internal boundary setting requires time for awareness. You meditate, journal, talk it out with a coach or a friend, do whatever it takes to create awareness of how you allow others to treat you in life, and more importantly, how you treat yourself internally. With awareness, and a dose of tenacity and courage, you can change anything. Boundaries are one of the few things you can control in life, but learn to set them well and you will transform your world.

{Photo credit: Brett Taylor, Flickr Creative Commons}

I’ve been spending all of 2011 training with Koelle Simpson to bring horses into my coaching practice, an innovative method called Equus Coaching. I thought it was time to share my experience and deep passion for these four-legged teachers.

At its core, equus coaching blends equine psychology with coaching practices. Koelle has been masterful at combining these two worlds to let Nature lead us back to our true nature. Horses, as herd and prey animals, have a Way of being that is curiously aligned with philosophies like Taoism and Mihály Csíkszentmihályi’s theory of Flow. These sensitive beings immediately pick up on your energy when you enter their vicinity — they will mirror back to you who you are. It creates the perfect conditions for experiential learning: first, you become aware of what you’re projecting, then you experiment with different ways of being to improve your experience. When you learn how to lead, communicate, and set boundaries with a 1500 lb. partner, you will never forget how to do it in the real world.

I spent my entire childhood in total survival, and I have watched some of my favorite people die. And so I have this enormous desire — all I want to do is live. More than live, I want to THRIVE. And nothing gives me more pleasure than to see others try the same. You and I will die. But I want to see us thrive first, and have the most amazing, ridiculously beautiful time at it.

Here’s what I know for certain. If you only live for the rainbows, the happy moments, the bliss, the wins and successes, the vacations and holidays, the romance…you are really going to miss out on the rest of your life. Life is ALL of it. It’s in the dark moments, the grief, the failures, the embarrassments and anxieties, the confusion…it’s in those moments that if you learn to lean into them, you will find immense treasures. Don’t avoid your life, any of it. Take it all on.

There’s a Buddhist teaching that says our response to life should be Yes. Yes to everything. Acceptance of all that comes our way, because it is. Living is feeling the flow of life, to feel the life force in all things. And when you avoid anything, you’ll create a clog in the flow. You plug things up. You refuse the entirety of it all, which is what brings richness, growth, beauty.

I just spent four days in the desert, training with horses in 100 degrees. It makes me sound practically like I’m in the Special Forces, doesn’t it? But not true. I have walked much of my life with this enormous bucket of fear. Through a lot of coaching and self work, I had dissolved most of it. But there was this certain anxiety left that reared its head only in certain situations. I couldn’t name it. Not until a 1700 pound horse showed me, as I was pinned in the corner of a trailer with him staring me down. In that moment, I saw the ancient demons I’d been walking with, trauma from my childhood. I saw it, and so I could finally say goodbye to it. Yes. Hello. I can name you, finally, my old Fear. Now, I’m going to do everything to face you. For the rest of my training, I volunteered for everything that scared the shit out of me.

The moment I can see and name my fear, I relish going after it. It’s difficult to change something if you can’t name it, can’t source it or know it, so that’s half the work. But once you see your fear for what it is, go after it! Chase it down. Love it, face it, burn it, throw it away, whatever is needed to alchemize this force. This is the secret to thriving. Fear does nothing but hold you back from living your life in YES. (I have a new, more colorful mantra than Yes, but I’ll leave you to make up your own creative inspirations).

I have a certain amount of urgency for letting go of fears when I identify them. It’s because I know the sands of my hourglass are trickling. It doesn’t matter if I’ll live to be 100; life’s buffet is just too gorgeous. And fear is just too painful. You have the choice to say yes, to lean in to everything, including fear. When you lean in to the very thing you’re afraid of, you’ll find the courage you’ve been seeking. And you will come to be free from your fear. You will find that you have a greater power than your fear and it lives in total silence and calm. This is my practice, to find my true power.

I have a feeling that our world is only going to get more intense. Learn to transcend everything that scares you, and you will thrive. Especially the entrepreneurs out there who are trying to express and create dreams. This world is going to really need you. Do everything in your power to chase down your fears. Don’t waste time — take care of what’s in the way so you can experience the freedom and awesome life force that is waiting for you beyond the fear.

{Photo Credit: Horse Charge, Squeezyboy on Flickr}